Total Drama Mars
by Frozen in Flames
Summary: In the first season of my own canon, Chris Mclean takes 18 zany new contestants to compete on Mars! (Yeah, that took a lot out of the budget). Follow all the intense drama, Total Drama humor, and crazy challenges! This is...Total...Drama...Mars!
1. Introduction

Chris Mclean shifted uncomfortable in his space suit, and when he saw the camera was on him, he quickly put on a huge grin.

"Welcome to Mars!" he shouted proudly, floating only a few feet off the rocky ground.

"Over the years, ''Total Drama'''s ratings have gotten so high, that not only has the show's budget increased, but so has my paycheck! I mean, look at how much richer I look than in season 1! Do you even know how much this space suit cost?" Chris bragged, stroking his golden space suit.

Remembering what he was supposed to be saying, Chris looked up and continued, "The show was finally able to go all the way to Mars, where this season, our contestants will be competing right here, in space! They'll live in the giant space station right behind me, until their eliminated, at which point they'll have to take the Escape Pod of Idiots, and hope they land back on Earth. Our contestants should be arriving soon!"

Just then, as if on cue, a huge, bright silvery rocket ship carrying the season's 18 contestants landed in front of Chris. He frowned and wiped the dust off his formerly clean space suit.

"Watch the merchandise!" Chris yelled angrily. From inside the ship, Chef waved his fist back at Chris.

Moments later, the huge doors of the ship came creaking open, and the first contestant came off the ship slowly, looking around.

Chris watched the girl with bright red hair and lots of acne nervously glance around at her surroundings, and then walk over to Chris.

"Welcome to Mars, Ariel," Chris greeted, entertained by the girl's awkwardness.

"Thanks, but I'm afraid I can't talk for long," Ariel murmered, "I'm too busy keeping my eyes out for aliens. I've read hundereds of books about all the different aliens just crawling all over places like this."

Chris held down a grin and replied, "Well, Ariel, why don't you just head into the space station where it's safe."

Ariel frantically ran inside the space station, and another contestant walked out of the ship. He looked angry.

"Hey, Jupiter," Chris waved to the boy, who just scowled back at him.

Suddenly, a skinny girl came tumbling out of the ship, doing all kinds of flips. Not watching where she was going, she flipped into Jupiter, who growled and fell onto the rocky ground with a thump.

The girl screamed with pleasure and kept spinning all over the place, until Chris finally told her to calm down.

"Watch out Hannah," Chris coaxed, "You don't want to injur anyone, do you?"

"My bad!" Hannah giggled, helping Jupiter off the ground, "I guess it's just ninja nature to go wild. It won't happen again!"

The angry and dirty Jupiter followed Hannah inside the space station, his frigid eyes staring into her soul. Hannah shivered.

Chris watched the next two contestants come out of the ship. They were both girls.

The first one strutted out of the ship, doing different poses for the girl who followed her to take pictures of.

"Come on Taffy," Chris barked, "This isn't a photoshoot."

Taffy blushed and took the camera out of the other girl's hand.

"Sorry, Chris. I couldn't help it! My manager said pictures of me in this space suit would look amazing. I told her I'd look amazing in just about anything."

Before Chris could reply, the other girl gasped, "You do look good in that space suit, Taffy! Maybe one day I'll be as pretty as you are."

"It's possible, but I doubt it," Taffy replied.

"You must be Valerie," Chris grinned, "I can tell it's you from your low self-esteem."

Chris stuck his hand out at Valerie, but instead of shaking it, she groaned, "I shouldn't shake the hand of someone as famous as you. I'm not good enough for you."

"Oh gosh..." Chris moaned, "Just get on in the space station."

Taffy and Valerie did as they were commanded, and entered the space station.

The next person to come out was a freckly boy wearing overalls under his space suit. As he got closer, Chris couldn't help but hold his nose. The boy smelled awful, like dirt and weeds.

"Howdy there, Chris!" the boy said happily, slapping Chris's back.

"Hey, Brandon," Chris replied, "You didn't think of maybe showering before you came here?"

Brandon laughed, "Mama said I should save the shower water for grandpa. I was going to shower at a gas station on the way here, but we ended up running late, so I just skipped it all together."

"Great..." Chris said.

"Ok, what is that smell!" a girl yelled from inside the ship. Moments later, she walked out, an angry look on her face.

"You smell like a dirty sock," the girl insulted Brandon.

Chris turned to the camera and said, "This is our 'Heather-of-the-season', Tara."

Tara tried spitting towards Chris, but she forgot she had a space helmet on, so the ball of spit splattered on the glass in front of her face.

"Ew!" she groaned, and stormed into the space station, followed by Brandon.

Suddenly, another contestant came rolling off of the ship, wailing on a bright red and black guitar. The music sounded really good.

Chris clapped and whooped, "Nice music, Bo! You're one cool dude!"

"Ah, thanks, Chris," Bo smiled, slapping Chris's chest, "I like to think I'm a cool dude, too."

As Bo ran into the space station, shrieking and waving his guitar into the air, a strange looking kid walked out of the ship. He was hunched over, his pale orange hair sagging over his face. His dirty green shirt was ripped at one shoulder, and he had icky bucked teeth poking out of his mouth.

"Greetings, Quasimodo," Chris said, a little creeped out.

Quasimodo moaned a reply, "Thank you, sir, but you can just call me Quasi." He sighed and staggered inside the space station.

"I really am loving this cast," Chris remarked to the camera, just as an African American boy dressed in a sexy silver space suit came strutting out of the ship. On both sides of his arms were two girls, who were attatched to him like glue. They were both giggling.

"Well, Brad," Chris said, "It looks like you've already won over the hearts of Cassie and Summer."

Summer giggled, but Cassie ripped her arm off of Brad's and announced, "I'm a free spirit. Brad isn't controlling me. My heart is open to any man."

Cassie put her hands on her hips and walked into the space station with her head held high. Summer, on the other hand, was going loony over the flawless guy next to her.

"We didn't have boys this amazing in the small town I came from," Summer said dreamily, which made Brad grin.

The pair of sexual creatures walked into the space station with their arms tightly locked, not giving Chris a second glance.

Moments after they were inside, a kid with thick glasses stepped out of the ship, took a deep breathe, and stated, "I can't believe I'm in space! Did you know the first man in space was Yuri Gagarin, who made history on April 12rh 1961?"

Not sure who he was talking to, Chris waved towards the boy, "Um, Clyde, come on over here."

"Oh, my mistake, Mr. Mclean," Clyde replied, "I'm just so flustered! This is making history as the first reality show in space!"

"Yes, yes it is," Chris smiled, "And I'm making history as the first person to host a reality show in space. Today is just a historical day all together. Now, get inside."

Clyde nodded and ran inside the space station.

Only a second later, a freaky boy with crazy blonde hair darted out of the ship, making strange noises and tossing his head in all directions. The huge blue headphones on his head vibrated to the beat of the dubstep he was listening to.

"ZACKARY!" Chris yelled, "GET INSIDE THE SPACE STATION, DUDE!"

Zackary smiled and ran inside the space station, still jamming out to his dubstep. That's when two more boys came walking out of the ship. One had an emotionless grin on his face, so small it had no clues to how he was feeling. He walked up to Chris and stuck out his hand.

"Pleased to meet you," the boy said, shaking Chris's hand.

"Same to you, Stan," Chris replied, "You're pretty...normal, aren't you?"

Stan nodded, "I suppose you could say that. I'm going to go inside now. Have a nice day." The other boy followed Stan inside with a focused look plastered onto his face.

"What are you doing, my friend?" Stan asked the other boy, puzzled.

"I'm trying to get a sense of what you're thinking," he replied, "I'm a mind reader, after all."

"How interesting!" Stan gasped, "What is your name?"

"Lyell..." the strange teen replied, still focused on Stan's mind.

Chris shoved Lyell and Stan inside the space station, and ran back to the ship, where a girl with a huge bottom was standing there tapping her foot.

"Bout' time you got here," she barked, sticking her lip out."

"Nice to meet you too, Stella," Chris replied wearily.

"I know who you are. You evidentally know who I am. No one's meeting anybody," she retorted. Without another word, Stella walked inside the space station, her butt swinging back and forth as she walked.

Finally, the last contestant jumped out of the ship, with her peirced tounge sticking out. She walked over to Chris and licked him.

"What the heck!?" Chris cried, jumping away in disgust, "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm getting a taste of you," she said, "You taste like a piece of crap. Why does everyone freaking' taste so bad. Seriously, people suck."

"Alright, Dani," Chris said, "This episode is running into overtime, so let's just wrap this up."

Dani grunted and walked away, making the 18th and last contestant to officially arrive at Total Drama Mars.

Chris looked at the camera and rolled his eyes. "This cast is a load of lunatics, which should make for a very interesting season. What will the first challenge be? Who will be the pathetic loser who goes first? Find out all this and more on the next episode of Total...Drama...Mars!"


	2. Pole Yourself Together!

"Last time, on Total Drama Mars," Chris announced, now standing in the space station, "We met our 18 very...uh... diverse group of contestants. Right now, they're unpacking upstairs in their high-tech space-age, rooms! Let's go violate their privacy, shall we?" Chris points at a small hidden camera in the corner of the room.

In one of the bedrooms in the space station, Taffy and Valerie are unpacking.

"I'm so excited that we get to room together!" Valerie squealed, "Me and you can go to the end!"

"I'll think about it," Taffy replied calmly, like she wasn't fully paying attention, "If I find someone prettier to take to the final 2 with me, I will." Valerie frowned.

Just then, Brad strolled into the room, two bodyguards carrying his luggage.

"Set the stuff on the bed," he demanded, not noticing the two girls.

"Um, exuse me?" Taffy sassed, "I think _we _already took this room."

Noticing the two angry girls, Brad looked shocked and apologized, "My apologizes. I could _never _take a room from two beautiful woman. Valerie smiled dreamily, but Taffy just rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, lover boy. Pack your bags and hit the road."

"Yes, your majesty," Brad said, smirking irritably. So, he took his bodyguards and exiting the room, leaving Taffy and Valerie alone again.

Valerie was knocked out of her dreamy, lovestruck state when a tragic thought popped into her mind.

"Oh no," she said worridely, "I just had an awful thought! What if, dare I say, we _aren't _on the same team!"

Taffy rolled her eyes and replied sarcastically, "Yes, that would be _tragic,_ wouldn't it?"

Meanwhile, Clyde, Bo, and Stan made their way down the pale spac station hallway, carrying loads of luggage. Clyde had been spitting out pointless facts ever since they had entered the place.

"_Did you know,_" Clyde continued, "butterflies tate with their feet? Isn't that facinating?"

Bo cringed and said, "No, Clyde, I didn't know that. And no, it isn't the least bit facinating. Don't you ever talk about _ cool_ stuff?"

"Well," Clyde said bitterly, "'Cool' is a relative term. To me, these facts are very... 'cool'. Stan, are you enjoying my knowledge?"

Stan smiled and said, "Yes, I am enjoying your facts very much. I never knew that Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise."

Bo grunted and walked into the nearest room. Stan shrugged and followed him, leaving Clyde alone.

Two rooms down from the one Bo and Stan had just claimed, Ariel and Stella were unpacking. Ariel continously looked up from her suitcase, paranoid that "an alien was going to jump through the door and kill them".

"Girl, you need to calm yo' tits down," Stella snapped, "Mama always tells me you can't sleep in a room filled with paranoia."

"Sorry," Ariel uttered, her small eyes darting briskly around the room, "But aliens must be crawling all over this space station. We need to watch out."

Stella was trying to think of a reply, when Lyell walked into the room, carrying luggage.

"Oh, this room is taken..." he groaned.

"Yeah," Stella grinned, "So get yo'-"

"-'sorry ass out of here'," Lyell finished the sentence for her, "Got it."

Stella's mouth dropped open in awe. "How'd you know I was gonna say that?" she asked suspiciously.

"HE'S AN ALIEN!" Ariel screamed, shoving Lyell out of the room, and slamming the door.

"Actually, I'm a mind reader," Lyell called from outside of the room.

Stella raised and eyebrow, and mumbled, "Oh hell no he ain't..."

After everyone had found a room, (some people getting nicer rooms than others), all 18 contestants met in the space station kitchen to meet and greet.

"_Did you know," _Clyde jabbered to everyone, "Cockroaches can live several weeks with their heads cut off?" No one really responded.

Moments later, Chris Mclean walked in with a bullhorn and two mats in his hands. One was green and the other was blue.

"TIME FOR YOUR FIRST CHALLENGE!" he barked through the bullhorn.

"We're right here!" Cassie cried, smashing her hands into her ears.

"Yes, but some people can't even hear me _with _the bullhorn," Chris argued, glancing at Zackary, who had dubstep blasting in his ears, and Quasimodo, who was as good as deaf.

"But first," Chris continued, "We need to get into your teams! I hope you didn't make any close relationships yet, because they could be dissolved right now."

Chris unrolled the blue and green mats and tossed them on the tiled kitchen floor.

"When I say your name, get on the blue mat," he demanded. Then, he began listing 9 names.

"Brad, Cassie, Clyde, Lyell, Stan, Stella, Summer, Tara, and Zackary."

The nine called contestants strolled over to the blue mat. "You 9 will be known as the Radical Rockets!" Chris announced.

"YEAH!" Valerie cheered, "This means Taffy and I will be on the same team!"

Taffy rubbed her head in agony.

"When I call your name, step on the green mat," Chris continued.

"Ariel, Bo, Brandon, Dani, Hannah, Jupiter, Quasimodo, Taffy, and Valerie."

Hannah cheered excitedly, and flipped onto the green mat, kicking Jupiter in the forehead as she went. Jupiter just muttered angrily to himself.

"You 9 will be known as the Marvelous Martians," Chris said.

"We're named after aliens?" Ariel cried, "This is awful!"

Bo patted Ariel's back. "Hey, this won't be so bad," he insisted, "In fact, I bet we'll win the first challenge!"

"Hmph, think again," Tara taunted, "We have this game in the bag."

"Well only one of you can win the challenge today," Chris noted, "So let's get to that."

The camera opened back up outside the space station, where the depths of space could be seen all around the contestants. Ariel was trying to contain herself.

Brandon rubbed at the terrain of Mars with his foot. "This ain't the ground for farming, I'll tell you that," Brandon said to himself.

In front of the contestants were 6 tall wooden poles, lined up in a short path.

"In today's challenge," Chris explained, motioning towards the poles, "You guys will use the lack of gravity to jump across these 6 poles. If you fall off, you're out of the challenge. If you make it across, you score a point for your team. When everyone has gone, the team with the most points wins!"

"This is my kind of challenge!" Hannah shrieked, bobbing excitedly.

Tara glanced at Zackary, who had his eyes shut and was nodding his head to the dubstep blasting in his headphones. She grinded her teeth and tore the headphones off, and for the first time ever, Zackary could hear his surroundings.

"Did you even hear the rules?" Tara asked, clearly frustrated.

"Sure I did," Zackary replied, glancing at his headphones, "Jump across the poles, I got it."

Tara stayed silent for a moment, and then shrugged and gave Zackary his headphones back.

**Tara: **"If we lose the challenge, which I don't plan on, Zackary is getting my vote, no questions asked. He's digging his own grave right now."

**Zackary: **"Tara's too bitter. She needs to lighten up!"

"Let's start the challenge, then!" Chris boomed, "First up is the Radical Rockets! Go ahead, Brad!"

Brad, who had not spoken much at all, wriggled nervously in his solid gold space suit, and lept onto the first pole.

"I got this, ladies!" he shouted confidently from above.

"I know you do!" Summer yelled dramatically.

**Summer: **"Brad is SO CUTE. I brought a diary on the show with me, and I plan to write A LOT about this hottie!"

Brad bounded gracefully across the 6 poles, in the end scoring a point for the Radical Rockets. The score was 1-0.

Lyell, Stella, and Cassie went after Brad, and to their dismay, all fell one by one. Lyell had come the closest, making it to the 5th pole, but ended up falling off.

The score stayed at 1-0, until Summer was up. She gracefully lept across the 6 poles, clearly mimicking Brad's method. The Radical Rockets now had two points.

"The best score we can get at this point is 6," Clyde calculated, "And that's if the rest of us make it across. I'll be fine, but I don't know about the rest of you guys."

Ironically, Clyde fell off on the 2nd poll. Everyone laughed hysterically, even his team. The last three contestants for the Radical Rockets scored, making their final score 5. Stan had hopped casually across the poles, astonishing everyone. Even though everyone had expected him to fail, Zackary easily made it across. And although she had a little trouble, Tara was across in no time.

"Come on, guys," Bo encouraged his team, "We can beat 5, right?"

First up for the Marvelous Martians was Bo, who proudly made it across for his team.

Next were Dani and Hannah. Dani was almost across, when Hannah came flipping by, knocking her onto the ground. Jupiter scowled at her.

**Jupiter: **"Hannah needs to be more careful where she does her stupid ninja flipping. She's going to end up seriously injuring someone!"

The score was 2-5, but the Marvelous Martians continued to rack up points when Brandon and Taffy made it across. Now the score was 4-5.

"Wow," Valerie said to Taffy, "You were amazing at that."

"And you're surprised..?" Taffy snapped. Valerie looked away in humiliation.

Jupiter did awful at the challenge, tripping as he jumped off of the first pole, which made him slam miserably into the 2nd one.

Quasimodo wiggled nervously on the 1st pole, not able to muster up enough energy to jump across. The score was still 4-5, and it was up to Ariel and Valerie, or the Radical Rockets would win.

"You can do this!" Bo encouraged Ariel, who was up next.

"Are you kidding me?" Taffy groaned, "We're doomed!"

**Bo: **"Taffy can be a real jerk! I didn't really believe in Ariel much either, but encouragment can work wonders on people. She's a strong competitor, yes, but our team needs morale, too."

Ariel took a deep breathe, and jumped across the poles with ease. Taffy shook her head in surprise, while the rest of the team cheered.

"Oh no..." Valerie gasped, "I can't believe I have to break this tie. I can't do this!"

"She really can't," Taffy agreed, "She isn't pretty enough. Or athletic enough." Valerie nodded in agreement.

"Come on," Hannah cheered, "You got this, Valerie! Channel your 'inner-ninja'!

Valerie shrugged and jumped onto the first pole. She immediatley began to wiggle. She took another breathe and lept onto the 2nd pole.

**Valerie: **"Once I was on the 2nd pole, I was kind of getting the hang of things! It wasn't hard at all! I'm so proud of myself!"

When Valerie jumped off of the 6th pole, the Marvelous Martians cheered for their victory.

"Marvelous Martians win the challenge!" Chris declared, "Radical Rockets, I'll see you at elimination tonight. The elimination ceremony is outside the rocket ship you guys arrived on. You can see it from the space station. I'll see you guys tonight."

As everyone headed back to the space station, confessionals of the losers played.

**Stella: **"Ok, Stella's angry now! We deserved to win that challenge! In my eyes, whoever didn't make it across deserves to go home. So that's Lyell, Cassie, Clyde... and me."

**Tara: **"I don't really care if Zackary scored. I still don't like him, and he's going home."

Back at the space station, Tara sat on her bed, perplexed, but not about who to vote for.

**Tara: **"I know exactly who I'm voting for. The problem I've run into is making a strong alliance to take with me to the end. Well, maybe to the end. I'll cut their sorry throats if they get in the way, but the point is, I need a group I can trust. Since I like the other girls on my team, I think I'll align with them."

A few minutes later, Tara had gathered Stella, Cassie, and Summer into her room. Cassie and Summer looked pleased to have been summoned, while Stella had a skeptical look on her face.

"What do you want?" Stella snapped, tapping her foot.

"Look," Tara tried to sound desperate, "I need you guys to help me get to the end. We would make a _great _final 4, don't you think?"

"I agree!" Summer gasped confidently, "We need an alliance name!"

Tara tried to hold back a roll of the eyes. "Later," she uttered, "Right now, we need to figure out who's going tonight."

"I say we vote Clyde or Lyell," Stella suggested, "Since they _did _fall off the polls."

"Well I fell off, too," Cassie piped up, "Are you saying I deserve to go just as much."

"Girl, simmer down," Stella coaxed worridely, "I said Lyell or Clyde. I personally find both those white boys annoying, so either one would work with me."

"Actually," Tara said, "I think Zackary would be a good person to eliminate tonight."

Summer looked unsure. "But, he hasn't really done anything wrong, has he?" she said innocently.

"Summer," Tara told her, "He barley ever pays attention to what people are saying. He'll mess up challenges for us! And besides, don't you think Lyell's mind reading could come in handy later on?"

"What about Clyde," Stella argued, "That boy has too much to say for the amount of people who care."

"We'll take him out next," Tara compromised.

"I don't know..." Stella replied. Cassie and Summer shrugged.

**Summer: **"I like Tara. She's a good leader. But still, I think she's got the wrong idea about Zackary. He's not a bad guy!"

**Stella: **"I sure has hell don't plan on staying with Tara long. Girl's lost her mind already. But I need a safe place on this team, atleast until the merge, so she'll do for now.

Meanwhile, Stan, Brad, and Clyde were talking downstairs in the space station hallway.

"Do we all agree that Lyell goes tonight?" Brad whispered mischeviously.

"Definatley," Clyde agreed, "He annoys me, a lot. I feel uncomfortable with his mind reading. Now that we have that out of the way... _Did you know, _the average iceberg weighs-"

"-Don't start," Brad commanded, "Girls don't like your stupid facts, dude."

Clyde shrugged. An awkward silence began to settle over the three.

"So," Stan said casually, "Nice weather we're having."

Brad sighed and walked away from the group, towards Hannah and Taffy who were sitting at the kitchen table giggling.

Soon, it was finally time for the Elimination Ceremony. The 9 Radical Rockets left the space station in their suits and bounced out to the front of the space ship, where a eerie circle of rocks shaped like seats were awaiting the contestants.

Chris stood by the door of the rocket, the landing walkway extended in front of him. Chris told the contestants to take a seat, and then explained the ceremony.

"This season," Chris explained, "The reward for being safe each elimination is moon rocks. If you do not get a moon rock, you'll be ordered to load onto the Ship of Shame, where you will _hopefully _be sent back to Earth. Then, the rocket will fly back here, ready to take the next loser home."

"How interesting," Stan said blandly.

"Brad, you start the voting. Once everyone has voted, I'll hand out the moon rocks."

Starting with Brad, the nine teammates voted one by one, until the votes had been tallied. Chris came out of the rocket with a plate holding 8 moon rocks. The contestants all wanted one.

"If I do not hand you a moon rock," Chris recited, "You must immediatley board the Ship of Shame."

The contestants nodded.

Chris picked up the first moon rock. "Brad," he called, throwing the happy boy a moon rock.

"Cassie, Stella," Chris continued, handing the girls their moon rocks.

Eventually, only Clyde, Lyell, and Zackary remained. Tara smiled, satisfied.

"Clyde," Chris said, throwing the relieved dork his moon rock.

"There's only one moon rock left," Chris said dramatically, "And it goes to...

...Lyell."

Lyell smiled calmly and caught his rock, as if he knew Chris was going to say his name... which he probably _did _know.

Zackary didn't move. He sat in his seat with his eyes closed, smiling and nodding his head to the beat of the dubstep. Tara ripped the headphones off and stepped on them.

"Get out of here!" she barked, which made Zackary jump and dash onto the Ship of Shame.

Chris pounced off the landing walkway of the ship, and it lifted off, giving the eliminated boy barley anytime to get inside.

"You didn't have to crush his music..." Clyde murmed to Tara.

Tara bit her lip and shrugged. "He deserved it."

"There you have it, folks!" Chris announced, looking into the camera with his award-winning smile, "That was the first elimination of the season, and it's only going to get more dramatic! I mean, that was _kind of _predictible, wasn't it? Find out what happens next time, on Total...Drama...Mars!"


End file.
